It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
it's like iHOP with fire
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
