Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Randomize