Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
