addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
