the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize