He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
