now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
this hospital has no fireball
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
