i think i have two assholes
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
