I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
