I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
false alarm, still single
I DEMAND FORESKIN
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
