Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
