I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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