I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
