i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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