Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
