Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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