I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
