i would punch a child for taco bell
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
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