It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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