You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize