i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
