i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
