Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
