I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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