I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
