i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
