i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
