I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
is this the sara with the beer cane?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
