Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize