My first STD was from a foam party
My brain says no but my pants say off.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Randomize
