I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
