so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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