who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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