apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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