I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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