i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize