Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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