ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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