maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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