For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
