I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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