I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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