You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
