Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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