the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
