i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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