Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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