I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
