I can tuck mytits in my pants
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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