I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Randomize
