i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
