a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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