Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
