she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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