Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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