you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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