The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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