Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
