Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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