It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
