i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Randomize
