i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Drunk is not a location!
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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