good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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