The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
