I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
