I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
