I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I cannot find my penis.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
it's like heaven, but drunker
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
