we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Please don't give away my fajitas
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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