Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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