I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
