So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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